Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
