That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
