WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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