I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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