I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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