I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
