I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
