she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
