It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Randomize
