This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
