i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
