People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
