This is not my ceiling
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
