Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
