u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
