I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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