They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
