the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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