grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
