Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
