To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Welp...herpes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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