wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
