i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
