Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
