This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
