shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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