The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
