I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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