I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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