you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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