I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
