I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
