in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
