If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
