why didn't you poke me back
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
