He told me they were just razor bumps!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
