Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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