I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
