This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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