ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
