it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im holly from the hills drunk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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