why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
