Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
birth control should be required to get into college
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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