I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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