who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
