just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
