I wish i was in the wii world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
