twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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