Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
