I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He did a backflip because drugs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
