I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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