i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
