I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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