Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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