i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
