I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
