Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
