I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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