I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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