is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
