My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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